Uphill Battle

Hey lovelies, today I am gonna talk about what having cancer to me feels like. Since the very beginning of my Diagnosis and fight with cancer there has always been new struggles and different obstacles in my way that I have to have to get over. It was kinda weird for me in the beginning of my diagnosis. In the beginning I always used to ask myself and my parents and family and God "Why me?". Like why was I chosen to have such a rare and complex cancer. WHY ME, WHY ME!! I used to struggle with depression and just feeling ugly and not the Sassy and funny and kind and caring Sophia that everyone knows. It was hard struggling and seeing that Sophia kind of fade away. I also felt like I could not catch a break. Like i was put through all these heard obstacles to overcome. But I just knew that I could not give up fighting because I was gonna be the Sophia that everyone knew and loved. I could not let the Cancer and sickness take over my life. The very beginning was very rough and I could get really deep into those stories and feelings in another post if that is what you guys would like to know. But the beginning was hard for me both mentally and physically. Mentally because I was in this mind space of "oh you are ugly and changed and overweight and need to get out of your feelings and just deal with it". But little did I know that I had no control over me gaining weight because it was my hormones and my body just spitting out and creating all these crazy steroids and hormones into my body. It was hard physically because I was gaining weight. I could not even go up a flight of stairs. I literally had to hoist myself up stairs and it would take out all the energy in me and it was just absolutely MISERABLE!! The pain I also felt both physically and emotionally was also very bad and hard to deal with. But I knew that I was chosen to fight this fight and to win it. I used to tell my mom "just get me through the day, or just get me through this week." Guess what we did that we just took it day by day, struggle by struggle, everyday because I am for sure not loosing this battle. I have fought so damn hard just to give up now. There will always be struggles in life but sometimes you just have to say to yourself and make a promise to yourself never to give up and to keep on fighting and win this bad like the Queen or King that you are!! Trust me honey if I as a 16 through 17 year old teenager can get through this cancer I know that almost anybody with the right headspace and friends and family can also get through this. Now I may still have cancer but that for sure does not stop me from. living my life to the fullest and making myself happy and keep on fighting!! As my lovelies you should never give up and just stay strong and win this battle!!