Trapped

Hey lovelies, today I am going to be telling you guys and talking about what it is like to be stuck in the hospital and feel like you can never escape your sickness. When I was first diagnosed in Florida before going to Boston I spent 2 weeks, yes 14 whole long days in the hospital. Those days in the beginning were tough. I felt so trapped because I had never been in a hospital before and I was honestly so confused as to why I was in there and why I could not just go out side and leave. I had a very hard time accepting my sickness and my limits due to it. When I learned that I was going to Boston I was actually really happy because that meant freedom. But, unfortunately that was not the case. From the time I left my hospital room in Florida and got to Boston I only had a couple days out of the hospital before I was admitted again to go through a VERY LONG surgery where I was laying on my stomach for a good eight hours. When I was in Boston I was in and out of the hospital and I was put on an oral chemo that was HORRIBLE. Chemo is literally like poison going into your body. The chemo I was put on was so toxic that you could not touch it with your bare hands and after touching it if you did touch it you would have to make sure to wash your hands because it was literally like poison. My mom had a tough time as a mother giving it to me because it was so bad, she felt like she was poisoning me. Unfortunately when we learned that the chemo did not work we were crushed. I was so sick and weak that I was in and out of the hospital and lost the hope of ever getting out. I thought that I would always be stuck there. When we flew back down to Florida after being in and out of the hospital three times in Boston and not having the chemo work, my doctors decided to do another type of chemo. This chemo I had to be admitted into the hospital for a good three days and I had to go every other week. I also had to mentally and physically prepare myself and my body ad my mind for this type of chemo. It was brutal I thought that the chemo in Boston was bad but this chemo was also just as bad. I felt so crappy and drained it was a struggle to keep going. The best nurses took care of me and my family was there for me. God bless my mom for sleeping next to me those nights and giving up her comfort for me just to be my rock and take care of me. Mama bear was there for it all and I could not ask for a better Mama bear and momager to take care of me. Do not get me wrong my days also got better when my dad and brother would visit me and make me try to feel normal. I was in and out of the hospital so many times that all the nurse knew me, but that is also because in the beginning I was a WRECK and a little pain in the booty, not gonna lie. The nurses and doctors were all very nice and caring and tried to make my time in and out of the hospital a little bit easier. Also when I was a mess and would have to call 911 and the paramedics would come to the house, TELL ME WHY I had to have the good looking guys have to take me to the hospital. I would be looking like a big HOT MESS and I would have these supermodel paramedics take care of me, ugh no wonder why I am still single. Anyways, just having those friends and people that would visit or send me stuff just made me feel so good and I will never forget them and the important parts they played in my journey with cancer. So, cherish those special moments and people in life and try not to feel so trapped.