It is OK

Hey lovelies, today I am going to be talking a little bit about the mental side of my illness and what obstacles I have had to overcome. Before my illness really started to show itself I was this very happy and bubbly girl who was fun to be around and loved life and had tons of friends and people like that. I was also physically very good looking, my hair was nice and long and thick my face was nicely structured and my eyes were big and brown, like chocolate drops; also, my legs were nice and strong and I was tan as well. Then when my illness started to show itself. I fell into this depression, where I did not like being around my friends or people and I could not even look at myself in the mirror or the camera and take pictures. My body was changing and also my mind was as well. My grades were slipping because I mentally could not focus in school and as well as my anxiety started to really show its self. It was literally a "roid rage" because, little did I know, my tumor was telling my brain to tell me glands to produce steroids! I would just keep on pushing my depression away and try to get through the day. I also quit basketball cheer because I hated how I looked in the cheer uniform and I could not put myself in a good mood to cheer on other people and make them feel happy. Unfortunately during this time I was also bullied. Being bullied about something I had no control over made me feel really sad and defeated, because I did not know what was wrong with me and I was trying so hard to change it but I just could not. Before I was actually diagnosed people thought I was just going through regular teenage girl things, like having problems with my friends or boy drama or something like that. But, that was not the case. The doctors thought I was just overeating and not taking care of myself. I knew deep down that I was actually having some real true problems and I did not know how to express that. When I was diagnosed, my body was just pumping out so much steroids and hormones into my system because of my adrenal glands. When I was in the hospital, I went through such a hard mental and physical side of things. I said and did some things that I believe no child should have to go through and no parent should have to see. (If you guys want to hear about that, let me know.) All the steroids and hormones were making me act like a Sophia that I did not know and could not recognize. It is like I was living in a body and mindset that did not belong to the true person that I am. Even my mother, when talking to the doctors about my behavior, would say, "That is not my Sophia. If you knew my girl, you would know she is not like this." When they shipped me up to Boston I was so mentally out of it that, that is the very first thing they handled, the mental side if my illness. Yes, it took a long time for me to start to feel better again, but I will forever be grateful to my wonderful doctors and therapist and family for always fighting for me and never forgetting who the real me is. It is OK to have bad days and not feel like yourself. Just know that with the right help and support you can overcome some of your darkest days. I am also always here for you lovelies if you ever need a shoulder to cry on or if you ever need a good laugh, I am always and forever be your little cheerleader!