Drowning

Hey lovelies, today I am going to be telling you guys what it feels like to me and how I like to describe it as drowning with all the problems I have had to fight with my journey with cancer. In the beginning before I was diagnosed and when the Cushings sped up and so did the cancer I did not only change physically but also emotionally. I was really depressed and I could not even look at myself in the mirror or take pictures or anything like that. I withdrew from friends and became very isolated. When I went away on vacation to Massachusetts to see my family and my dad went to Nicaragua, when he came back and saw me he said to my mom "Maryanne something is different, something has changed about her" and he was completely right, something did change in me both physically and emotionally. So, when the doctor I saw and said to my mom take her to the hospital because I was having a hyper tensive crisis, that is when it became game time and time to prepare myself for the fight I had to fight. Now, not to be dramatic or anything but I was literally fighting for my life. My mom has told me that people thought I would not be here today. I never gave up and I never stopped fighting. I used to question my self and my mom and also God, and I used to ask "why me?". My mom said to me and people have also said to me that God chose me for a reason to stay strong and survive this and push through and conquer and live to see another day. I used to be out of my mind just crazy and unstable due to all the hormones and steroids and chemicals in my body, that my mother was like to my doctors "No this is not the Sophia that I truly know." I am so thankful for my family especially for never giving up on me and fighting for me while I was fighting for my life. In my friendships I was always the rock, I was the person that people would come to and tell me their problems and I would help them out. but, when it came to my problems and what I was dealing with my some of my friends just could not handle it and unfortunately I lost some friendships that I thought I would always have. When I went through that it also made me realize who my true friends are, and let me be totally honest with you I only have about three to five close friends that I can tell anything to and will help me. Now do not get me wrong I still have tons of friends and supporters and I am so thankful for all the love and prayers and will forever be grateful for everyone and all the LOVE. Me and my mom compare it to feeling like we were drowning and under water, but now we have a breath of fresh air and we are not drowning anymore. It is kinda weird not having to worry about so much anymore and now I am coming back to real life and still trying to fit in and just take it day by day. I have had to learn how to be strong and fight for myself and just keep pushing and stay strong. It is like a breath of fresh air and it honestly feels AMAZING!! I just want to say thank you and to never give up or stop fighting the fight, and if no one is there to fight for you just know that I am always here for you guys if you ever need to talk or just need someone to fight for you, I am your gal. Love you all my lovelies🥰