Breathe

Hey lovelies, today I am going to be talking about my anxiety and what it has been like ever since I was diagnosed and to now and how I am working with it and coping with it. Of course now I am on some medications to help calm my nerves and some of my PTSD and I talk to a therapist as well. But, before I was diagnosed and when I was more sick I was attending my school. My school is huge and some of the buildings to go to class are two stories and some classes would be farther away from some of your other classes. When my symptoms started to show one thing was I could not lift my self up and get upstairs and I became very out of breath. I had classes that would be on the second floor of some buildings and I had such bad anxiety and such fear about going upstairs, I would literally wait till no one was in the stair way so I can take my time going up the stairs. I would also have the fear of being called in class to read something out loud because even reading a simple little paragraph I would get out of breath. Actually on the day that I was diagnosed I was rather calm that day. Now, I am so thankful and grateful to Joe Dimaggio for being so great to me and my family and really helping us find the best care. But, I was absolutely miserable and just had so much anxiety and confusion when I was there for the two weeks before heading up to Massachusetts. When I was in Joe Dimaggio wanted to just be left alone, I did not go out of my room and also hated to be left alone. I always wanted my mom there with my or somebody incase I needed something. I was begging to go to Massachusetts because I would have more freedom. But of course my anxiety was also really bad. Me and my mom were staying in a hotel and just sitting around doing nothing brought on a lot of boredom and anxiety because I did not know what to expect. I was anxious over all the little things like what if I fall, what if I have pains. I could not even sit in the car in the back seat because I could not watch my mom put on her seatbelt if she had to redo it a lot of times. Just little things like that made it awful. My mental state was just not good when I was really sick. I have been through some pretty tough things that I have grown from and now I am extra careful in what I do and how I approach different situations. I always remind myself and my parents and people that this is MY FIGHT, MY BODY, and MY MIND. I will take into consideration all the pros and cons and figure out what is best for me and my body and my mental state and my family. Recently I have had to remind myself of this because I have some tough decisions that need to be made and I do have to admit it does cause me some anxiety, but just by talking to my mom about it and taking it one day at a time and remembering to breathe I know I will be okay.